Tuesday 2 June 2020

Feline Funny? Purrfect! We've Got the 50 Best Cat Jokes Fur You Right Meow!

When it comes to jokes, cat-themed content lends itself to some of the litter-al best quips. Whether you’re a self-proclaimed “Cat Lady,” or just feline like having a laugh, there are some funny cat jokes— and we’re ready to tail you ALL about it!

First things first, go find a nice sunspot to lay on, grab a bag of tasty treats, maybe even pour yourself a glass (or bowl?) of milk, and purrpare to roll on the floor laughing while purr-using through this list. It will be even more entertaining than a ball of yarn. Or bird-watching out the window. Or circling the same spot of the bed over and over before plopping down. We’re not kitten—you won’t want to hiss these! After all, if you’re not howling, we’ll have to ask: “Cat got your tongue?”

For the best cat jokes, including cat jokes for kids, this list has got it covered.

1. Why did the cats ask for a drum set? They wanted to make some mewsic!

2. What’s a cat’s favorite TV show? Claw and Order.

3. How did the Mom Cat know she was pregnant? Her test was pawsitive.

4. What normally happens when kitties go on a first date? They hiss.

5. What’s a cat’s favorite cereal? Mice crispies.

6. What color do kittens love the most? Purrple.

7. What does the cat say after making a joke? “Just kitten!”

8. When cats need to go to the airport, who do they call? A tabby.

9. Why did the cat have to go to an accountant? They got caught up in a purramid scheme.

10. What made the cat upgrade his phone? He wanted to finally get pawtrait mode.

11. Why are kittens actually excellent bosses? They have great littership.

12. What’s it called when all the treats are gone? A cat-astrophe.

13. Why did the teenage cat call her parents when she found an apartment she liked? She needed them to (cali)co-sign her lease.

14. What does a choir of cats like to sing? “Do-Re-Mew.”

Related: 101 Knock Knock Jokes

15. Before going after a mouse, what did the dad cat say to his family? “Let us prey.”

16. What did the kitten have at their birthday party? A pounce house.

17. What do you call it when a cat is super-stylish? “Haute-cat-ture.”

18. Why did the kitty get an “A” on their English assignment? They properly used an independent claws.

19. When a cat doesn’t want to say goodbye, what do they say instead? “See ya litter!”

20. Why don’t you want to play Monopoly with a cat? They tend to be cheetahs.

21. What title does a cat go by in the kitchen? “The Whisker.”

22. What was the kitten bowling league called? “Alley Cats.”

Related: Funny Cat Puns

23. Why is it hard to trust cats? They have many tall tails.

24. What did the cats do when they realized they had a bad plan? They decided to (cat)nip it in the bud.

25. Before a cat fight, what is usually said? “Hold my purrse.”

26. What do cats quote from the movie Bridesmaids? “Help me, I’m paw!”

27. What do cats look for in a significant other? A great purrsonality.

28. What do you call a cat who became a doctor? “A first aid kitten.”

Related: 101 Riddles for Kids

29. What did the mom cat say about her intuition? “I just had a strong feline.”

30. Why was the teenage cat sent to his room? He was in a bad meowd.

31. What did one cat say while her friend was complaining? “Tail me about it.”

32. What do cats call a big pile of laundry? A meowtain to climb.

33. Why did the cat avoid eating lemons? They made him a sour-puss.

34. What song do kittens always request at dances? “Mice Mice Baby.”

35. Why are cats bad at making decisions? They become so purrplexed.

36. What’s a cat’s favorite sport? Hair ball.

Related: 101 Corny Jokes

37. Why do cats hate laptops? They don’t have a mouse.

38. How did one cat break up with another? She said, “We’re hisstory!”

39. Why don’t cats ever say “YOLO?” They have nine lives.

40. Which day of the week do cats love the most? Caturday.

41. Why do cats make horrible DJs? They always paws the tunes.

42. What did the mom and dad cat say about their wedding day? “It was unfurrgetable!”

43. What’s a kitten’s fave way to shop? By cat-alogue.

44. How did the cat comic know he was funny? The audience was meow-ling with laughter.

Related: Brain Teasers for Kids

45. Why was the animal lover so untrustworthy? She kept letting the cat out of the bag!

46. What do cats call a nice dinner? “A fancy feast.”

47. What did the sick cat say? “I feel clawful!”

48. Why did some cat friends go to the mall? There was a buy-one-get-one-furry deal.

49. Where do cats enjoy spending a family day? The mew-seum.

Thursday 24 October 2019

Jokes for WhatsApp Friends

Mom asks Julie:

- What are you doing ?

- Nothing !

- And your brother ?

- He helps me…

Intense activity

Julia's mother asks her:

- What are you doing?

- Nothing. -

And your brother?

- He's helping me ...

Whatsapp Jokes in Hindi Shayari Funny Status Images In Hindi Download

A child goes with his father to the hospital to see his mother who gave birth. When they arrive, the child notices that his little brother has a bracelet around his hand.

The little one says to his father:

- "Dad! Dad ! They forgot to take away the prize !!!

A good bargain

A child goes to hospital with his father who has just given birth. When they arrive, the child records that his little brother has a strap around his hand.

The small [child] says to his father:

- "Daddy! Daddy! They forgot to take the price tag off! "

================

What is chai for an Indian?

• Sleepy? Have tea.

• Headache? Have tea.

• Tired? Have tea.

• Mood off? Have tea.

• Feeling cold? Have tea.

• Want a Samosa? Must have tea.

• Late night study? Have tea.

• Party after tuitions? With tea.

• Not well? Have adrakh wali tea .

• Zero figure? Have green tea.

• Pocket money? Make tea for your father.

• Guests? Make tea.

• Waiting for train? Have tea.

• Watching TV? Have tea.

⭐ last but not the least – want to become PM….. make TEA ?

Tea is like opium for Indians. It’s like “if you want success then have tea”.

?????

latest whatsapp jokes hindi 2019

Two Sardarjis are looking at an Egyptian mummy.
Sardar 1: Look, so many bandages! Must be a pukka (real) lorry accident case.
Sardar 2: Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!
Two Sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
Sardar 2: Don't worry, I have one more.
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but it starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!!
Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head... Is he crying?
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining!Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!

Akbar Birbal Stories in English 2019

Did you hurt yourself… when you fell from the heavens?

Usually the person asking this will say “did you hurt yourself” first and then, when the other person asks, “when?” they say the last part: “when you fell from the heavens.” The idea is that they are complimenting you by suggesting that you look like an angel.

In England it’s common to make fun of yourself when you are making a joke. British humor is sometimes hard for Americans to read. A British person might seem quite serious when he is actually joking. There is ambiguity in the jokes. They like to give each other some space for the joke to succeed or fail. Humor is used to make sure no one gets offended in different situations.

1. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

2. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

Beat it. We’re closed.

3. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

4. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

WhatsApp Jokes

Sunday 29 September 2019

Whatsapp Jokes in Hindi Shayari Funny Status Images In Hindi Download

Whatsapp Jokes Images – Today I am Going to Share top Hd whatsapp Jokes Images , whatsapp Shayari Images , Funny Status , Hindi Jokes Wallpaper , Jokes For Teacher , Jokes In Hindi Photo for for your Best . Please Download and Share with friends.

Whatsapp Jokes in Hindi 2019

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Funny Whatsapp jokes in Hindi for friends

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Funny Chutkule in Hindi 2019

आज का खास जोक

मैं भी आता हूँ”।

दो चूहे पेड़ पर बैठे थे,
नीचे से एक हाथी गुजरा। एक चूहा हाथी पर गिर गया।
तभी दूसरा चूहा बोला, “दबा कर रख साले को,
मैं भी आता हूँ”।

सुनके अच्छा लगता है…………………………..

एक पति अपनी नाराज पत्नी को मायके में रोज -रोज फोन करता है…

उसकी सास फोन उठाती है और बोलती है..
सास – कितनी बार कहा है वो आपसे बहुत नाराज है

और कभी वापिस नहीं आयेगी फिर क्यों बार – बार फोन करते हो ???
पति – सुनके अच्छा लगता है

गुन्डागर्दि………………………..

गर्मीया हैं:-
पति बेड पर लेट कर पन्खा चलाकर टीवी देख रहा होता है, पत्नी आती है हाथ में झाड़ू लेकर और पन्खे को बन्द कर देती है
सर्दियाँ हैं:-
पति बेड पर लेट कर पन्खा बन्द करके टीवी देख रहा होता है, पत्नी आती है हाथ में पोचा लेकर और पन्खा चालू कर देती है
है किसी में हिम्मत इस गुन्डागर्दि को रोकने की?????

कोई जरूरी तो नहीं था..

निरमा……….निरमा……
वाशिंग पाउडर निरमा…
…..दूध सी सफेदी निरमा से आए….
रंगीन कपडे भी खिल खिल जाए..
सबकी पसंद…. निरमा.

आप सीधे सीधे भी पढ सकते थे,
गाते हुए पढना कोई जरूरी तो नहीं था..

सभी Pvt Employees को समर्पित

Pvt Job करते बीमार पति से उसकी
बीवी बोली :- इस बार किसी जानवर के डाक्टर को दिखाओ। तभी आप ठीक होगे।

पति ने पूछा :- वो क्यों?

बीवी : –
1) रोज सुबह मुर्गे

की तरह जल्दी उठ जाते हो|
2) घोडे

की तरह भाग कर Duty चले जाते हो।
3) गधे की तरह दिन भर काम करते हो।
4) लोमडी

की तरह इधर उधर से इनफोरमेशन बटोरते हो।
5) * बंदर*

की तरह सीनियर अधिकारियों

के इशारों

पर नाचते हो।
6) घर आ कर परिवार पर

कुत्ते की तरह चिल्लाते हो।
7) और फिर भैंस

की तरह खा कर सो जाते हो।

इंसानों का डाक्टर तुम्हें क्या खाक ठीक कर पायेगा?

Whatsapp Jokes Images

सुंदर लाइन…….

एक ताऊ की कार के पीछे

लिखी बहुत ही सुंदर लाइन…….
.
.
देख के ओवरटेक करिए,

गाड़ी में लठ भी धरे हैं

तारकोल की जरूरत कोनी”

क्रिस गेल , हरियाणा के होस्पिटल मै रक्त दान करन बड गया. . .

ओठे एक ताऊ ने क्रिस गेल ते बडे ध्यान ते देख्या अर न्यू बोल्या. . . .
” अरे कालू, उरे खून की जरूरत है…तारकोल की जरूरत कोनी”

वाह मेरे बब्बर शेर

एक आदमी – क्यों बेटे, तुम किस खानदान से हो ?
.
लड़का – जी, जानवारों के खानदान से।
.
आदमी – मतलब ?
.
लड़का – जी मेरे पिता जी मुझे गधा कहते हैं, मम्मी कुत्ता कहती है,
बहन मुझे बन्दर कहकर चिढ़ाती है, टीचर मुझे सूअर कहते हैं
और मेरे दादा जी कहते हैं – वाह मेरे बब्बर शेर

अब रुलाएगा पगले,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

अध्यापक – टेबल पर चाय किसने गिराई ? इसेअपनी मातृभाषा मे बोलो ।

छात्र – मातृभाषा मतलब मम्मी की भाषा में ?

अध्यापक – हां ।

छात्र – अरे कमीने कर दिया धुली चद्दर का नाश पड़ गयी शान्ति

अब ये तेरा बाप आके धौयेगा

अध्यापक- अब रुलाएगा पगले.

Jokes of the Day Whatsapp

बापू ने सोनिया गाँधी को सपने में पूछा :
मैंने जो टोपी, चश्मा, लाठी, सादगी और ईमानदारी कांग्रेस को दी थी वो कहा हैं ?

सोनिया ने ईमानदारी से जवाब दिया –

“टोपी” – राहुल जनता को पहना रहा हैं
“चश्मा” – मनमोहन को पहनाया
“लाठी” – पुलिस वालो को दी हैं, जो सच बोलने वालो पर चलायी जा रही हैं
“सादगी” – मेरे और प्रियंका के कपड़ो में हैं
“ईमानदारी” – स्विस बैंक में डिपाजिट हैं

सारा भारत शर्मिंदा हैं पर बापू आज भी ज़िंदा हैं|

लड़को को उस समय
सबसे ज्यादा गुस्सा आता है
जब ऑटो में
2 लड़कियों के बीच में लड़का बैठा हो
तब तीसरी लड़की के आने से
ऑटो वाला बोले भाई तू आगे आजा

लड़की (ATM Room में) : मुझे अपना बेलेंस चेक करना है,
आप मेरी Help करो… Please….

लड़के ने पीछे जोर की लात मारी,
वो मुँह के बल गीरी…
लड़की आगे के 2 टूटे दाँतों के साथ खड़ी होती है….

लड़का : बेलेंस तो बहोत खराब है तुम्हारा…
.
.
.
बाद में लड़की ने आगे लात मारी,
वो नागीन की तरह रेंगते रेंगते गया…
लड़का अभी तक घर नहूीं पहुँचा…

दिल्ली। पति पत्नी देर रात बैठकर टीवी देख रहे थे। इसी बीच दोनों को भूख लग गई तो पत्नी उठकर चाय बनाने लगी।

पत्नी को चाय बनाते देख पति का मन पकौड़े खाने को करने लगा।

पति टीवी के सामने बैठे-बैठे ही- डार्लिंग, पकौड़ों भी बना दो ना..

पत्नी- नहीं.. रात बहुत ज्यादा हो गई है।

पति- अरे बना दो।

गुस्साई पत्नी चिमटा गर्म कर लाई और पति के हाथ पर रख दिया..

(अब चाय ठंडी हो रही है और पति हाथ को पानी में डाले बैठा है :-) )

Jokes in Hindi Pati Patni

पत्नी – क्या हो गया आप बहुत उदाश है |
पति – अरे तुमको पता है मेरे ऑफिस की बिल्डिंग गिर गयी और सब लोग मर गए |

पत्नी – अरे बाब रे , लेकिन तुम कैसे बच गए |

पति – अरे मैं तो बाहर सिगरेट पीने चला गया था |

पत्नी – बहुत ही अच्छा किया |

अगले दिन न्यूज़ में आया की सरकार ने मरने वालो को एक करोड़ रूपया दिया है | यह सुनते ही पप्पू की पत्नी ने बोला – ये तुम्हारा सिगरेट पीना कब बंद होगा |

पत्नी की बात सुनकर पति बेहोश |||

Girl : Hello control tower, this is flight 365 we have a problem.

Control Tower : What is the problem…??

Girl : छोड़ो कुछ नही हुआ।

Control Tower :प्लीज् बताइये प्रॉब्लम क्या है?

Girl : नही रहने दीजिये . I will handle somehow

Control Tower : Please tell us the problem now!

Girl : Nothing im fine, आप नही समझ सकते

Control Tower : अरे बोलिये भी क्या प्रॉब्लम है।।

Girl : बस इकेले रहने दे मुझे .आप से कुछ भी कहना बेकार है।

Control Tower : अरे दीवानी औरत , 200 पैसेंजर्स है उस प्लेन में।

Girl : हा मेरी तो कोई फ़िक्र ही नही , उन 200 की परवाह है बस.. मुझे नही करनी कोई बात..

😂

कुछ दिन बाद वह वापस आयी और जोर – जोर से हसने लगी

पति ने पूछा – हस क्यों रही हो ?

पत्नी – पंडित जी ने बोला है जब मुसीबत सामने आये तो खूब हसना ।

पत्नी की बात सुनकर पति बेहोश ।।